


The Before and After

by 100GoldenUrns



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Drake Spear is his own warning, F/M, Found Family, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Self-Harm, let Andrew heal, twinyards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:33:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26925175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100GoldenUrns/pseuds/100GoldenUrns
Summary: Andrew Minyard hates the idea of family. Family is rough hands taking him apart piece by piece, it’s destroying himself over and over again. When he meets Neil, he refuses to think of him as family. Then a girl shows up at the Tower. His daughter from a particularly terribly foster home, and the events succeeding lead Andrew to both recovery and finding a place within the Fox Family..Alternatively: Andrew Minyard’s life before the Foxes and after Neil. From his childhood when he’s torn apart by selfish hands to his recovery and healing.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42





	1. The Before: Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This contains graphic rape of a minor (Andrew), particularly chapter 1. If you want to skip Andrew’s childhood, you can go to chapter 3 where there will be referenced and implied rape but not explicit.  
> This also contains self harm, it’s pretty brief at this point though and not all that graphic.  
> .  
> Let Andrew heal dammit!

The first time Andrew has sex he is seven years old. 

The house he was placed in hasn’t been all bad so far. He’s fed three meals a day and he has his very own room. He waits for the other shoe to drop. He waits for the inevitable slap after he drops a glass. He waits for the shoves and the screaming and the hitting.

It doesn’t come.

Steven and his wife aren’t loving by any means. But they feed him and they don’t hurt him, and that’s enough for Andrew. Two months staying with them and Andrew doesn’t tense up anymore when one of them gets too close. He’s settling in. He has friends at school and a winter coat. It’s the best home he’s been in.

And then, when Andrew is sleeping at night. There’s the creak of his door opening. A heavy weight on the other end of his mattress.

Andrew starts to cry because he doesn’t know what else to do and he’s scared.

Fingers hook around Andrew’s elastic Thomas the Train Engine pajama bottoms, and his bare skin is exposed to the cold air and weight of the duvet.

He lets himself be flipped around, and in the dim purple of his night light, he sees Steven’s face. It scares him. It’s all twisted up in a way that Andrew doesn’t understand. A way that he will later find out is lust.

Steven flips him onto his tummy and Andrew is so, so scared. He feels something hard jut into his thigh and he whimpers.

“What are you doing?” Andrew croaks. His voice trembles. “Stop!”

A burst of pain and a stretch like he’s pooping. Andrew cries out but Steven shoves his head down and the noises are muffled by the pillow. There’s something inside of him! Andrew is panicking, he claws at the mattress with his hands. And Steven sinks in deeper and Andrew is going to break. His butt hurts, it feels like he’s being torn in half.

Steven moans. “Such a good little boy.”

Andrew cries freely now. “Stop!”

“If you beg me I’ll stop.”

“Stop! Stop!”

The hard rod inside of him starts moving in and out. Andrew chokes on his own saliva, keening in pain.

“Where are your manners?” Steven murmurs.

“Please! Please, stop!”

The noise Steven makes is inhuman. Andrew can feel his body shudder against his. In pleasure, Andrew thinks. Steven likes this. But Andrew’s butt is hurting so bad and he needs it to just end.

“Please, please, please…” He repeats it like a broken record.

Steven doesn’t stop. He moves faster, and it takes so long. Half an hour of Andrew begging, of his insides being torn apart.

But then, finally, Steven thrusts in deep. He shudders and moans and something hot spills into Andrew’s butt.

“Oh _so_ good.” Steven groans. 

He pulls out and Andrew cries out, he sputters around his dry tongue.

Steven pats his butt. “You won’t tell anyone will you? That would be pretty embarrassing for you. A seven year old slut begging for it.”

When Steven leaves, Andrew waits for hours before his body stops trembling and he can finally move. The sun has already risen, the golden rays peek through his blinds. Andrew reaches around himself and feels where it hurts. His fingers come away sticky with blood and white stuff.

And suddenly Andrew is filled with shame. He doesn’t want anyone to know what happened. He wants to forget this happened. 

But he can’t forget. And Steven doesn’t stop.

It doesn’t feel real. But it is. And it’s real for another five months before he’s rehomed. 

* * *

  
It happens again when he’s nine. He’s rehomed again to a man, Jesse, and his crackpot wife. There are five other foster kids in their care, which Andrew knows isn’t allowed, but the system is so desperate for homes, they’ll let any druggie with a spare room have a dozen kids. He shares a room with two other boys. The two little girls sleep in another room that probably doesn’t even qualify as a room.

When he arrives, his new foster brother, Lewis, moves to the top bunk so that Andrew can take the bottom. That should have been his first clue.

He shouldn’t be surprised when it happens. But he is. Maybe he thought that being in a room with two other boys would protect him. Maybe he thought that with two girls in the house, Jesse would never pick a boy like Andrew. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. Because only two weeks after moving in, Jesse climbs into his bed and pulls down his pants. 

He forces Andrew onto his back and then wraps his hands around his throat so that he can’t make any noise. It’s scary because he can’t breathe. Sometimes, Jesse grips too tightly and Andrew’s vision goes black for a few minutes. He doesn’t know why he thinks that choking Andrew will prevent the house from waking up. Andrew knows that the other boys are awake when it happens. Even if they don’t say anything, even if they don’t move. It’s _because_ they don’t move. They’re too still to be asleep. 

The boy on the opposite bed, Georgie, is eleven. Young enough that sometimes Jesse climbs into his bed instead. Andrew can hear strangled cries on those nights. Can hear Jesse’s moans and the shaking of the bed frame. It makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Because the noises are so pathetic, and Andrew is reminded that most nights, that’s him. 

Andrew’s grades slip. It doesn’t matter because he’s still in elementary school, so he blends in with the other mentally challenged nine year olds. And he moves schools so often that the teachers don’t know it’s abnormal for Andrew to be average, much less _below_ average.

Andrew stops making friends too. Because there’s no point when he’ll move again in a few months. Because he wants to avoid the pain of caring about someone and having them leave again and again and again. And because he’s too ruined inside to be around people. Because Andrew thinks about sex all the time now. He thinks about Jesse orgasming inside of him when he should be reading. He thinks about the night he lost his virginity during tests. The teachers tell Jesse and his social worker that Andrew spaces out too much. They say that maybe he had ADD. He doesn’t and they label him mentally challenged instead. 

He cums for the first time with Jesse. He almost doesn’t notice because he can’t breathe and he’s on the brink of passing out. Jesse brings him to orgasm but Andrew blocks out the unwanted pleasure.

Then Jesse says. “Ew.” The grip on Andrew’s neck loosens and he gasps for air.

Andrew’s eyes flick down to his stomach where Jesse is staring. There’s a smattering of white spots of liquid. 

“You’re disgusting.” Jesse tells him. “A nine year old cumming. Even Georgie can’t cum yet. You’re a slut.”

Andrew is so full of shame, it bubbles up inside of him like acid. 

He hates himself. He hates his body.

Jesse leaves and he mops up the cum and blood with a handful of tissues. He thinks that nobody could ever want a slut like him.

He holds himself together, just barely, until one night, when Jesse has Georgie climb into his bed. Jesse gets himself off watching the two of them touch each other and no amount of whispered apologies from Georgie can scrub the shame from Andrew’s skin.

Andrew is miserable and so he finds refuge in the library. It’s only a ten minute walk from his foster home and the safest place Andrew can think of. 

One night, he stays out too long, and Jesse tracks him down. Andrew chokes when he sees him and scrambles to pack up his work, when Jesse pins Andrew’s wrists to the table. He’s mad. His eyebrows are drawn together and his grip hurts. Andrew thinks he might hit him right there in the library.

But then Jesse sits beside him. Andrew doesn’t know what’s happening at first, and then, Jesse grabs Andrew’s crotch. Right there in the library. Andrew makes a horrible mortified sound, but a sharp squeeze reminds him to be quiet. 

The table they sit at is against the wall. So nobody in the library can see anything other than their facial expressions. 

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been doing.” Jesse hisses lowly into Andrew’s ear. “If you wanted to come to the library so bad, you should have asked. We can come here every Wednesday.”

He reaches across Andrew’s shaking body and pulls down his pants and underwear to his midthigh. Jesse slides his hand into the space and fondles him.

Andrew has never been more humiliated in his entire life. He wants to cry. He sees some of his classmates wandering around, some of the regulars that he sees often. He wants them to help him. But he looks like such a slut, he doesn’t know if he could ever live it down.

Jesse brings him to orgasm and the safety net that Andrew had worked so hard to build around him shatters.

* * *

When he’s ten he’s moved with a couple. Samuel and Helena Cross. They’re kind to him at first, even if they are very strange. But this time, Andrew isn’t surprised when Samuel comes into his room.

Samuel likes to whisper filthy things to him during sex. “You fucking like this, you stupid fucking whore I know you wanted this.” And it’s difficult to reconcile him with the man who makes Andrew oatmeal in the mornings. 

Sometimes, Andrew finds himself believing those words. When he cums by Samuel’s hand, how is he not asking for it? How is he not a whore?

In the mornings after, Helena looks at him strange. That’s how Andrew knows that she knows. Still, he isn’t prepared when Samuel comes into his room with Helena trailing behind like a robot.

Samuel tugs down Andrew’s pants and he stays still, limp. He touches Andrew until he’s hard but he still isn’t on top of him and Helena hasn’t moved. It’s weird and it worries Andrew. His jaw trembles and he grips the sheets with a white knuckle grip. He doesn’t like the feeling between his legs. Because it’s good in such a wrong way and it makes him think that if he can get off on this, there must be something wrong with him. He must be a slut.

Then Samuel stops. He turns to his wife. “C’mon now.”

And Helena strips her clothes. Andrew’s mouth goes dry. He knows what’s happening now. Helena climbs over him and settles over his penis. Then, slowly, she lowers herself.

It doesn’t hurt like it does when they use his butt. But she rocks back and forth on top of him, and he hates it just as much. He hates the fleshy woman using him, and the disgusting feel of her around him. He hates Samuel muttering filthy things as he touches himself at the bedside. Andrew is stimulated anyway and he cums inside of her with a sharp inhale.

It becomes a regular occurance. Samuel will slide underneath Andrew and Helena will perch on top. There are so many hands, too much touching, and Andrew feels like he can’t breathe.

He cries a lot afterward because he’s so scared and he doesn’t think it will ever end.

And then one night, Helena and Samuel are late coming home from work. Part of Andrew hopes they died in a car crash. 

They didn’t. They come in through the door and Samuel pins him with his stare.

“You got my wife pregnant.” He snarls

Andrew freezes. He’s scared and shaking and oh god, he’s _ten,_ he’s ten and he’s going to be a father.

Samuel stalks up to him and grabs him by the front of the shirt. “You fucking whore! Goddamn stupid slut! You liked it! That’s how it happened, you fucking liked it!”

And now Andrew is angry. Because he’s been abused all his life. People have been using his body for their pleasure like he’s some sort of object. And he’s never once liked it.

“You raped me!” Andrew says. “I’m not stupid! Both of you raped me and now you’re trying to say it’s my fault!”

It’s the most Andrew has spoken to them all at once and Samuel stills for a moment. And then the moment is over. He lunges at Andrew, hitting him, beating him. Andrew is ten and he’s as small as a six year old. He can’t fight Samuel no matter how hard he tries. He’s too weak and he sprains his wrist trying to break away.

That night, Andrew sleeps in the hospital. His face is swollen beyond recognition and there’s a tube down his throat to help him breathe. There are restraints on his wrists and ankles because he freaked out when they tried to touch him.

He hurts all over and he trembles with fear throughout the night, but he doesn’t cry. He isn’t going to cry anymore. There’s no point.

Nobody comes to see him except his disappointed social worker the next morning to rehome him.

* * *

They think that Andrew is unstable after Samuel’s assault. So they place him in some rehabilitation program to shadow a cop named Phil Higgins.

Andrew doesn’t trust pigs. It’s a law among most foster kids that the cops can’t be trusted. But Pig Higgins is so naive, so sickeningly hopeful that he can turn Andrew’s life around after he was so thoroughly beaten by a man who was meant to be a father figure to him, that Andrew doesn’t feel threatened.

They don’t do much. They sit around the station and Higgins talks and Andrew pretends not to listen. But Higgins doesn’t bend him over his desk and he rarely touches Andrew at all so that makes him okay.

“You’re smart, know that?” Higgins tells him while Andrew’s working through his homework.

Andrew stills. He knows that he isn’t stupid. But this is the first time anyone has ever called him smart.

“Didn’t you read my file, Pig? I’m mentally challenged.”

“I don’t think so.” Higgins replies easily. “I’ve met a lot of kids over the years. You’re smart.”

Andrew doesn’t reply, but when he gets back to the group home he’s in now, he doesn’t crumple his papers into a ball and stuff them into his backpack. He smooths out the wrinkles and slides them into his completely unused folder.

Higgins treats him like an eleven year old. It’s strange. Because he’s only ever been treated like he was two or twenty. To Higgins, it doesn’t matter that Andrew rarely has a word to say. He seems perfectly content just to share a comfortable space with Andrew.

It’s to Higgins that Andrew shares some of the most fragile pieces of himself with. Never enough to start anything official. But enough that Andrew has some outlet.

They’re watching a movie on Higgins computer at the station. It’s kid friendly but Higgins feels the need to skip the scenes of the main characters making out anyway.

“You don’t have to skip it. I know what’s happening.”

Higgins chuckles. “I don’t think you do, AJ. But you will when you’re older.”

“You think I don’t know what sex is. I think I probably know more than you.” It hurts to get the words out.

Higgins looks at him, eyebrows furrowed. “Do you?” There are so many more questions underneath those two words.

“Yes.”

Higgins doesn’t say anything further and the coiled tightness in Andrew’s chest eases a little.

That doesn’t mean Higgins stops trying.

“Has anyone ever… touched you in a way you didn’t want?” The Pig asks while they’re walking through a park one day.

“Well Samuel beat me into unconsciousness.”

“No.” Higgins revises. “I meant in a more… sexual way.”

“Don’t test me.” Andrew hisses.

Higgins doesn’t. But now he sees more of Andrew than anyone else ever has. There’s a new sort of vulnerability between them that Andrew hates. But the wholehearted acceptance, Andrew relishes.

There’s a community dance for the local elementary and middle schools. Higgins practically begs Andrew to attend. He’s being stationed outside as security and if Andrew didn’t like the dance, he could sit with Higgins instead.

Andrew agrees. Because he’s weak for Pig Higgins. 

They go out shopping and Higgins buys him a nice outfit. Slacks and a button up and shoes without holes in them. Andrew isn’t stupid, he knows that Higgins only wants him to go so that he has an excuse to buy Andrew new clothes. When he puts on the outfit, Higgins gets all emotional.

“You’re such a handsome young man.”

Andrew stills in front of the mirror and fiddles with his collar. “I’ve never been called handsome before.” He muses. “Only pretty.”

“Pretty-“ Higgins repeats, voice strained.

“Because I’m small. And blond. I’ll always be pretty, never handsome.”

Higgins seems to have untied his tongue. “I don’t think so. When you grow up, I think it won’t matter how small you are. It’s your personality, AJ. That’s what makes you handsome instead of pretty.”

Andrew says nothing further and Higgins pays for the clothes.

* * *

The dance is a disaster.

There are so many people. So many bodies. He hides away in a corner, counting down the minutes until he can escape to Higgins. He’s just watching everyone else. 

One boy thinks he’s watching too much.

The boy stalks up to him. “What’re you looking at? You looking at my ass, you faggot?”

The word makes Andrew’s blood boil. “If I were looking at anyone’s ass, it wouldn’t be yours.”

The boy spits on Andrew’s face. “You’re so fucking _gay_.” The boy’s friends circle him. “Look at that gay outfit he’s wearing.

“I’ve heard about people like you.” Andrew says. “You’re projecting. Only saying these things because really, you’re the gay one.”

In a split second, the boy punches Andrew in the face and his friends shove him to the ground. He knows how to curl up on himself to minimize pain. But there are people on top of him, prying him apart so that their kicks land better.

Andrew won’t scream. He refuses. And so it takes longer than it should have for others to really notice. 

The boys tear open his new shirt and tug down his pants, and Andrew feels like he’s back in their beds. He feels like he’s about to be flipped over and fucked. And Andrew hasn’t been this scared in a long time. 

They tear at his clothes and claw at his face. Kick him and hit him. 

And then finally.

_Finally._

Pig Higgins is there and there’s nobody hitting him anymore.

“AJ.” Higgins sounds desperate.

Andrew opens his swollen eyes. His clothes are in tatters and he feels so guilty because he knows what Higgins paid for them. “I’m sorry.” Higgins holds his breath, it’s the only time he’s ever apologized to him. “The clothes are ruined.”

Higgins chokes on something that isn’t quite a laugh. “Forget about the clothes. I’m worried about you.”

Higgins helps him back into his slacks. It occurs to Andrew that this is the first time someone’s helped him into his pants rather than out of them.

Higgins guides him out of the community center, protecting him from all the curious eyes. Andrew thinks that Higgins might be the most noble man he’s ever met.

They sit outside for a little bit. Because Andrew doesn’t want to go to the hospital and he doesn’t want to go back to the group home. He’s wearing a large t-shirt that Higgins fished out of the lost and found.

“I’m not gay.” Andrew says.

Higgins looks at him uneasily. “I never said you were.”

“They all think I am.”

“It would be okay if you were.”

Andrew clutched the concrete they’re sitting on with a white knuckle grip. “I’m _not_. Not after… not after they… I didn’t like it.” It’s more than Andrew means to say.

Higgins looks at him with haunted eyes. “It’s okay, AJ. If you are. That doesn’t mean you have to like anything.”

That’s the most Andrew says on the matter. After that night, he never hints at what happened to him again. Not to Higgins, who now watches him carefully, like he’s about to break.

They watch their movies and Higgins still skips the make out scenes. Still jokes that Andrew is too young yet to see such dirty things. It’s nice. It allows Andrew to pretend that he is eleven. To pretend that he’s still a virgin, still innocent, still a kid.


	2. The Before: part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! There’s not so much non-con in this one. Just Drake at the very beginning. And then there’s some non graphic consensual underage. And self harm at the very beginning.
> 
> I think I prefer this section to part 1. It’s just slightly less heavy. And I really love Nicky and Aaron, despite their faults.
> 
> Neil will be in the next chapter

Eventually, it’s Higgins that finds a home for him. The mother of some kid he met during the PAL program was fostering and currently has no kids under her care.

He’s twelve when he meets her- Cass. She’s lovely to him in a way nobody else is. She buys him a pint of ice cream all for himself and sits him down so that they could talk even though Andrew is rude and distant. 

He falls. Hard. He loves Cass like she’s family. 

And then, her son Drake climbs into his bed. And Andrew isn’t surprised, but he’s scared. He’s scared because he wants to stay here so bad. He wants to make Cass family, but that would mean making Drake family too. It would mean losing control of his own body.

But nobody has ever loved him the way Cass loves him. Andrew can’t let go of that.

So Drake keeps climbing into his bed. Flipping him around and pressing him into the mattress. 

“AJ.” He moans. “AJ, you feel so good.”

Andrew acts out at school. He hits anyone who touches him. Even a graze of the shoulder is enough to get his classmate a black eye. Suffice to say, he has no friends. He doesn’t want any friends anyway.

Cass seems disappointed in him sometimes. But she forgives him easily. Forgives him without violence or screaming or kicking him out.

It’s not long though, before Andrew realizes that Cass  _ knows. _ He has to wash his sheets because there’s blood and cum stains, and Cass’s eyes merely glaze over when she sees them and throws them in the dryer with stiff motions. Afterwards she makes them waffles. She puts extra whipped cream on Andrew’s, and even lets him have sprinkles. 

That night Andrew hurts himself for the first time. So that he can preserve any semblance of control on his body. Drake and Samuel and Helen and Jesse and Steven all made his body theirs. This act of rebellion is  _ his _ . The scars belong to Andrew and he relishes this. Drake sees them one night, but he laughs and doesn’t say anything further. It’s the most merciful thing Drake has ever done for Andrew. 

Pig Higgins still makes time to check up on Andrew. Check up on Drake too. Sometimes Andrew indulges himself with the fantasy of telling Higgins about what Drake does to him. He imagines Drake being carted away to prison, Cass embracing him, adopting him. He imagines having unconditional love with the Spears. But then he sees the way Higgins laughs with Drake. The smile on Cass’s face when she looks at her son. And Andrew knows that his fantasy will remain just that- a fantasy. 

When Drake finds out Andrew is ticklish, he uses it to make his body react in ways he doesn’t want it to.

“You should smile more, AJ.” Drake says. “You’re so pretty, but you would look so much prettier if you smiled.”

Drake’s fingers go to Andrew’s sides and suddenly he’s howling with laughter. Tears prick in Andrew’s eyes. But it’s not from the laughter. 

It’s just another way to make Andrew’s body less his.

He lives with them for a year. He clings to Cass and she coddles him like the son she always wanted. Drake continues to rape him behind closed doors. And both Cass and Richard Spear turn a blind eye. Because as much as Cass loves Andrew, Drake is her real son. Her flesh and blood. And Andrew will never be able to compete with that.

So he cuts his wrists until the scars trail nearly up to his elbow. Andrew isn’t suicidal. If he were suicidal, he’d be dead already. But he needs a way to control himself. Because he wants Cass so badly. But her love is conditional. And having her will mean that he gives his body away to be raped every night. He thinks that after everything, he can handle it. He can’t. He is breaking.

It’s the letter that pushes everything over the edge. The letter that arrives from one Aaron Minyard, Andrew’s identical twin from San Jose. Cass asks him to consider meeting with him and Andrew agrees.

That night, Drake is in his bed. “Oh. Imagine how it will be with two of you underneath me. Two little AJs. It would be picture perfect.” Drake moans, his hips stutter. “I might defer my enlistment for this.”

And Andrew doesn’t know Aaron. But he won’t subject him to Drake. And he feels some sort of responsibility to this boy he’s never met. 

So he tells Aaron to fuck off.

And the next chance he gets, he bikes to the closest convenience store. He smashes in all the windows with rocks and climbs in. He takes a bunch of stuff that he doesn’t even want, sets fire to the store and then he waits.

He ends up in a holding cell.

* * *

Higgins visits him. “This isn’t like you.”

“Isn’t it?” Andrew drawls.

“AJ-“

“Don’t  _ call  _ me that!”

Higgins is quiet for a long moment. “Did something happen… in that house?”

“Lots of things happened.”

“Tell me. We can make this right.” Higgins says. “The right way.”

“I’m making it right.” Andrew feels like all the emotions inside of him are revolting. “My way. I don’t trust pigs.”

“Did you get the letter I sent? You have a brother.”

“I don’t have shit.”

Higgins presses his lips together in disappointment. “Andrew… I can’t get you out of this mess. All I can do is have you sent to the best juvenile facility I know. It’s not… it’s not freedom. But it’s the best I can do.”

* * *

And so Andrew ends up in juvie. It’s the best place he’s ever lived. The other boys respect Andrew’s violence. They give him space after he stabbed another boy with a fork after he tried to steal Andrew’s dessert. That’s what he needs- space. After so many years of having to protect himself, after so many years of abuse, having time and space to work out his tangled thoughts is the best thing. 

He comes to the realization after nearly a month of studying the boys playing basketball in the courtyard, that he’s probably gay. It takes another month for him to stop having nightmares after he realized this.

He has his own cell for nearly three months when another boy, Theo, moves into the bottom bunk. They ignore each other at first. But Theo ends up a target, because even though he’s large, he’s passive and quiet and doesn’t stand up for himself.

So Theo ends up cornered in the bathroom one night. It’s so reminiscent of that night at the community center. Andrew sees the distressed look on Theo’s face and wonders if he looked like that too. He slips on his uniform without drying and marches up to the group of boys.

“This one’s mine.” Andrew says. The cold look he gives them is one he perfected over months of solitude.

The leader stares Andrew down. “Who says?”

“I say. And I don’t like people touching my things.”

The leader snorts his disbelief and reaches out and smacks Theo across the face. That’s all Andrew needs. He fishes out the sharp piece of wood in his sleeve and slashes the boy across the face.

The leader howls in pain and falls to the floor. The other boys back away, eyes wide. So much for loyalty.

So Andrew ends up in solitude for a week. But when he gets back, Theo looks at him like he hung the fucking moon.

Theo clings to Andrew. He talks to him during meals and finds him during their breaks to follow him around. He’s the only person in juvie to see Andrew as a person and not a monster. 

It’s later one night and Andrew sits beside Theo on the lower bunk. Theo’s talking about his younger brother and Andrew listens because that’s all there is to do.

Theo looks over at Andrew. “Have you ever cared about someone that much?”

Andrew thinks about Cass and his heart aches. “I don’t know.”

And Theo leans forward and presses Andrew’s mouth to his. Andrew pulls away fast, eyes wide.

“I’m sorry.” Theo says, face flushed.

Andrew takes a moment to work through his emotions. Does he want this? If he does, how would it work? Then, he stands. He leans over Theo and presses him into the mattress and kisses him. Hesitantly, at first, to see if Theo wants this too. Then harder, rougher.

They mostly just kiss. Sometimes, Theo jerks himself off while they make out. Sometimes, Theo undresses and lets Andrew feel him everywhere. Let’s Andrew get comfortable with touching another boy’s body. Andrew never undresses. But he teaches himself how to masturbate alone. Sometimes, he’s suddenly back with  _ them,  _ but then Andrew stops, takes a breath, and learns how to cope.

They’re making out one night. Andrew on top, Theo naked beneath him. Andrew let’s his hands roam the expanse of Theo’s skin. Stomach to pecs to biceps.

Theo breaks away from the kiss and looks Andrew in the eyes. “How come you never get off? How come you don’t undress?”

Andrew hesitates. He trusts Theo, but he isn’t ready yet to allow everything that happened to him into the air. He needs the control of having his history to himself. “My body is mine now.”

It’s enough for Theo who’s had his fair share of trauma.

* * *

He’s fourteen and he has his first visitor in a long time. Luther Hemmick, the brother of his biological mother. At first, Andrew doesn’t want to speak to him. He doesn’t want any relationship with the family he should have had. But he thinks about Drake. How ruined he was after. And he thinks that he has a responsibility to prevent the same fate for a lot of other kids.

“I’m Luther Hemmick. Your mother is my sister.” Luther says when Andrew sits down. “It’s very nice to finally meet you Andrew. I wish I’d known about you sooner.”

“What are you doing here? Oakland is a long way from South Carolina.”

“I’m here to see you. And to see your foster family.”

“I need you to do something.”

Luther blinks. “What?”

“Make sure the Spears don’t have any more foster kids.”

Luther sputters all priestlike and dumbfounded. “Excuse me? But why? I was under the impression that you were close with the Spears.”

“Their son, Drake. Was a little too close for comfort.”

Luther swallows and his Adam’s apple bobs dramatically. “I don’t understand.”

“You do, Luther. He liked me too much. That household should never foster kids again.”

“I’m sure this is all just a misunderstanding.” Luther says and Andrew’s throat goes really tight.

“It’s not a misunderstanding.”

“How would you know?” Luther asks softly. “I know how you ended up here, Andrew. You’re too unbalanced to understand normal brotherly affection.”

Andrew feels like the bottom of his stomach is falling out. His chest is tight and his mouth dry. “Just make sure that they don’t have any more kids okay? If you want me to meet with Aaron, you’ll promise me.”

Luther considers him for a moment. “Okay. I promise. And I’ll bring Aaron by next month.”

Andrew stands. He needs to go back to his cell and mull over all his thoughts.

“Are you going? Don’t you want to hear about your mom and Aaron?”

“She’s not my mom.” Andrew says and leaves.

That night he loses himself in Theo’s arms. He kisses him like Theo is his lifeline. He probably knows something is wrong. But Theo doesn’t say anything until Andrew is finished.

After, Andrew retreats to the other side of the bed and Theo stays on his.

“Did something happen with your uncle?”

“No.” 

And that’s that.

* * *

Andrew sits in front of a mirror image of himself. They’re identical in every way. Except Aaron resembles a deer in the headlights. There are bruises that he tries to hide under long sleeves, but Andrew has almost fifteen years of experience with hiding bruises and he sees them right away.

“Andrew.” Aaron’s voice is hesitant. A hint of a smile plays at the edges of his lips. “I can’t believe this. You look just like me. I can’t believe we’re meeting.”

There’s a glazed look in Aaron’s eyes. One that Andrew is familiar with after so many years in the system. He’s drugged to his eyeballs. 

Aaron hesitates when Andrew doesn’t respond. He looks over at Luther and then back at Andrew. “I… how have you been, Andrew?”

Andrew looks down at his juvie uniform and then back up, an eyebrow raised. Aaron’s face falls.

“I mean- I meant… before.”

“Why are you here?”

“You’re… you’re my brother. We’re family.”

“We’re not family.” Andrew says. “I hate that word.”

“Well… when your sentence is up… I was thinking you’d come live with us.” Aaron’s glazed eyes are hopeful in such a wrong way.

“You and  _ Tilda _ ?” Andrew eyes the blooming purple on his cheek.

“Yes.”

“Where’d you get that bruise?” Andrew asks.

Aaron’s eyelashes flutter, he glances over at Luther nervously. “I play exy.” He says quietly. “At my school.”

“Last I checked, exy doesn’t leave bruises shaped like fingers.” Andrew trails his own fingers over his opposite wrist.

Aaron turns bright, bright red.

“Exy is a very violent sport.” Luther says. “Some of the boys get worked up.”

Andrew considers Luther. He disregards Aaron’s bruises just like he’d disregarded what had happened to Andrew.

“You’re an interesting man, Luther Hemmick. Preaching out of one side of your mouth.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what it sounds like.” Andrew stands and Aaron looks horribly betrayed that he’s leaving.

“Wait! You can’t go.” Aaron protests. “I came all this way to see you!”

“And you’ve seen me.” Andrew gives him a two fingered salute. “Maybe we’ll meet again in a year.”

He leaves Aaron sputtering behind him.

* * *

The next time Andrew stabs a person for touching him, they put him in contact with a specialized therapist. For the really troubled kids, they say.

Her name is Piper and she’s the fourth therapist he’s had in juvie alone. But instead of sitting him down on her couch, she drags him out to the field with a group of other similarly troubled kids. He gets to choose what sport he wants to play, and when he sees exy as an option, he’s reminded of Aaron. That’s what he chooses.

They put him in goal because Andrew’s the most violent. Unnecessarily violent, they say. And they don’t want Andrew involved on the field.

That’s fine with Andrew, exy’s a stupid fucking sport anyway.

But he continues to play and he clings to exy the way he clings to Theo. It’s something to wake up to. Something to rely on.

And then Theo is released. And Andrew almost falls apart. Almost. They make out the night before Theo leaves. He lets Theo touch his face.

Theo’s lips brush his cheek. “I’ll miss you, Andrew.” His breath is warm against Andrew’s skin. It feels like he’s falling apart.

Andrew climbs out of bed. He looks at Theo coldly, even when it feels like his insides are burning. “Don’t wake me up tomorrow.”

Andrew doesn’t want the painful goodbyes. The kisses before Theo leaves him behind. He’s tired of being left behind and he’s mad that the one person he trusts in this entire world is leaving him.

Theo’s eyes glimmer with hurt. Andrew thinks that if Theo can’t understand him, maybe they’re better off separated anyway.

When Andrew wakes up the next morning, Theo is leaving. He keeps his eyes closed and pretends that he can’t hear the guards stripping the sheets.

When he opens them, Theo is gone. It’s like he was never there to begin with. And so Andrew gets up and readies himself for an afternoon on the exy field.

* * *

Andrew is only a few months from being sixteen and he’s granted early parole for good behavior. Luther flies down to escort him to South Carolina.

Pig Higgins comes to see him off at the airport. His eyes are shiny, and Andrew’s heart aches at the two years he lost, the two years he could have spent with Higgins.

This time it’s him leaving. But Andrew knows that eventually, Higgins would have left him behind anyway.

Higgins buys him a bag of candy for the flight. They eat at McDonald’s while Luther gives them space to say goodbye, but mostly, Andrew nibbles on the chocolate from the bag.

“You’re a good kid, Andrew.” Higgins says. “I’m glad you have this opportunity to get to know your family.”

“Haven’t you read my file, Pig. I’m not good.”

Higgins smiles in a sad, forced sort of way. “You’re good. And you’re smart. And you’ve become a handsome young man.”

Andrew doesn’t know what to say to that, so he says nothing.

“I know you’ve had it rough in the system.” Higgins starts. “But tell me now what happened with the Spears. Tell me the names of the people who hurt you.” He’s practically begging.

“There’s too many.” Andrew says. “If you went after them all, there would be no foster care system anymore.”

Higgins’ jaw trembles. “Call me whenever, Andrew. I’ll really miss you.”

“You’ll miss me like Cass misses me.” Andrew says. Because he knows that Higgins has a family. Kids of his own. Andrew could never measure up.

Higgins doesn’t seem to understand, but he at least grasps the essence. “Andrew. I’ve missed you for two years. I’ve never stopped caring about you in all that time.”

Andrew hates goodbyes. They aren’t good. They’re just more people leaving him behind.

He stands. Grabs his bag of chicken nuggets and his bag of candy. He walks towards his gate without a word, without a glance backward to even see if Higgins is still there.

He sits beside Luther who regards him warily. “Where’s the cop?”

“Gone.”

* * *

Luther helps Andrew move in to Tilda’s place. She looks at Andrew like he’s the devil and leaves the room when he walks in. Aaron is different. He’s more drugged up now. Addicted, most likely. And he doesn’t look at Andrew with hopeful eyes, but with distrust and poorly disguised anger. 

Tilda only has a two bedroom, so he ends up sharing with Aaron. He doesn’t like sharing rooms but the other option is to book a flight back to Oakland and he couldn’t face Higgins again after his dramatic exit. So he puts his meager belongings under his bed, and he moves in.

It’s tense. Tilda won’t look Andrew in the eyes, but she’ll scream and hit Aaron right in front of him. 

Andrew doesn’t do anything, even though every hit tightens the knots in his stomach even more. He has a plan.

He joins the exy team as a goalie. He does just enough that he’s the best in the school, but not enough that it counts as effort.

School isn’t too difficult either, despite his  _ learning difficulties _ . There’s no longer anybody else in his bed, so math class is no problem.

He can tell that Aaron struggles. He’s so drugged out of his mind that he can’t focus on his work even when he wants to. He’s watched Aaron break down too many times over trying to learn biomed. Not understanding why he can’t focus even though he loves the subject.

Andrew and Aaron do not bond like siblings. Andrew keeps Aaron at arms length, and it makes him grow resentful.

But one night, after a particularly bad day, when Tilda smashed in Aaron’s face so badly he wouldn’t be able to go to school the next day, Andrew makes Aaron a deal. A promise.

That if the two of them stick together for the rest of high school. No friends, no girlfriends. Then Andrew will protect Aaron. 

And Aaron is so miserable. So far gone. That he promises without a second thought.

So Andrew goes to school in Aaron’s place, takes his biomed test, and scores an A.

He waits a bit. To make sure that Aaron won’t back out of the promise. And then he strikes.

Andrew tells Aaron to sit in on a study hall detention for him. In Aaron’s place, Andrew will go with Tilda to Luther’s house. 

Aaron thinks that Andrew will talk with Tilda. He thinks that he will threaten her or bribe her or something to make her stop. 

Tilda yells at Andrew, raises a hand to hit him. Andrew regards her with cool eyes, and he sees in hers that she knows he’s not Aaron too late. He grabs the wheel and he yanks it into a ditch.

He makes her stop.

* * *

Aaron doesn’t talk to him. But he goes to school as Andrew and plays the part when he goes home to Luther. He has nothing left except for Andrew.

Andrew’s out of the hospital by the time the funeral reception comes around. They wear almost identical suits except that suits aren’t baggy enough to hide Andrew’s scars, so he invests in a few pairs of black armbands. Aaron eyes them warily for a second, but he’s too drugged up and too angry to question them.

Andrew hides by the food. It’s all horribly depressing food. Cheese and crackers and salty fish. He wants ice cream, or chocolate. He makes a mental note to put in his will that he wants cake at his funeral.

“Aaron! Oh, Aaron!”

Suddenly there are arms around him and Andrew can’t breathe. He drops his cracker and slices his cousin with a cheese knife. It tears the suit jacket but does nothing more than bruise the skin beneath.

Still, he yelps and draws back. “Oh, you must be Andrew.” He’s tall, with dark hair and brown skin. “I’m Nicky. Your cousin.”

At this point Luther has noticed and he stalks up to the two of them, Aaron tailing behind like a puppy on heroin.

“Nicholas.”

Nicky’s warm expression shuts down. “Dad.”

“I thought I told you that you’re not welcome here. I don’t want you around the twins.  _ Infecting _ them with your sinful behavior.”

“I’m here for Andrew and Aaron. Not for you. It’s not your call.” Nicky’s voice sounds strong but Andrew can see him shaking. He knows that saying this is possibly the bravest thing Nicky has ever done.

“You are disgusting.” Luther says. “Taking advantage of the twins while they’re at their most vulnerable to push your agenda.”

Nicky snorts an unamused laugh. “There’s no agenda. It’s called caring. You wouldn’t recognize it.” Then he pales when he registers what he just said.

“You are not my son.” Luther says, and Nicky flinches. “No faggot will ever be my son. So you are not family and you have no right to be here.”

Nicky’s voice shakes now. With anger and fear. “I’m going to take the twins. They shouldn’t have to grow up with someone like you.”

Luther laughs. “We’ll see. Nobody in their right minds would grant custody of two teenage boys to an unstable, twenty year old, fag. In the meantime, the twins will stay with me. Now get out of my house.”

Nicky does. But he throws Andrew an encouraging smile first. 

Andrew decides to choose Nicky.

* * *

By some miracle, Nicky gains custody. With the testimonies of Andrew and Aaron, the promise of a stable job, and Nicky’s recounting of his time in conversion therapy, the twins are under Nicky’s guardianship and Tilda’s life insurance goes to the three of them.

They buy a house in Columbia, close to where Nicky found a job as a bartender. For the first time in his life, Andrew has a permanent house. Nicky thinks they should celebrate. Instead, Andrew drags him out to the grocery store while Aaron is high out of his mind.

He buys canned beans, canned vegetables, fruit cups, granola bars, and a deadbolt. Nicky looks at him like he’s lost his mind, but pays for the haul anyway.

When he gets home, Andrew throws the food into the bathroom and calls for Aaron.

Aaron’s high, and too slow to fight back when he finally realizes what’s happening. Andrew shuts the door and locks it from the outside with the deadbolt he installed.

Nicky is shouting and Aaron is shouting. But Andrew doesn’t care. His promise to protect Aaron also meant protecting him from himself. 

“You can come out when you’re clean.”

Nicky’s mouth snaps shut and Aaron’s screaming turns to sobbing.

“I’ll die in here! I’ll starve!”

“There’s food in the bag. Water in the faucet. You’ll live.”

Aaron does not take the makeshift rehab well. He screams and beats at the doors on the good days and vomits his guts out on the bad ones.

Nicky wanders around like a ghost. All pale and worried. He paces outside the bathroom at night, just in case Aaron decides he needs him.

And then finally, finally Aaron is clean. Andrew keeps him there a little longer just to make sure. Then finally, he unlocks the doors.

Aaron is slumped against the bathtub, eyes rimmed in red. He looks like he dropped ten pounds and he glares at Andrew like he wants him dead.

Nicky runs into the foul bathroom and scoops Aaron into an embrace. “Aaron! I was so worried!”

Andrew leaves. It was a moment for family, and Andrew wasn’t family.

* * *

Andrew cashes the rest of Tilda’s life insurance the first chance he gets and blows it all on the most expensive car he could find. He refuses to rely on any money that Tilda had to do with. So the twins end up working at Edens’ Twilight with Nicky despite being grossly underage so that they can afford groceries. 

That in combination with exy practice means that they rarely have time to dedicate to schoolwork. Andrew ends up sitting in on more of Aaron’s classes than his own. The result is that Aaron manages with average grades and Andrew barely remains academically eligible to play exy. Nobody finds this suspicious. Andrew’s learning difficulties are as well known as his uncalled for violence.

Andrew spends a lot of his time at Edens’. He likes the work and he likes having time away from Nicky and Aaron. It’s where he meets Roland, who is charming and doesn’t seem wary of Andrew like his other co-workers. He knows that Roland is gay. And Andrew is in a safe place now, he’s as comfortable as ever, and he wants  _ so bad  _ to be normal. He wants to be able to fuck Roland with no qualms.

So he leads Roland to the back room. “Kiss me.”

Roland’s eyebrows jump up in surprise. “You…”

“Will you kiss me or won’t you?”

The corner of Roland’s mouth quirks up in a hesitant sort of grin. He leans forward and catches Andrew’s mouth in a kiss, his hands rest gently on Andrew’s waist.

Immediately Andrew feels trapped. Hot, burning shame overwhelms him. His hands go to Roland’s wrists and he presses his fingernails into flesh. Roland yelps.

“Touch me and I’ll tie your hands behind your back.”

They continue experimenting in the back, Andrew leading the pace. Roland can’t keep his hands to himself so Andrew buys a thing of hefty rope and ties his hands to a metal pipe.

Slowly, Andrew heals. He doesn’t forget. He can’t. But he learns not to gag at the taste of Roland. He picks up where he left off with Theo and learns to feel comfortable running his hands over someone else’s body. He learns to become more comfortable with his own body too.

Andrew gets cocky. He unties Roland’s wrists one day. “Touch me.”

Roland practically beams, and reaches into Andrew’s pants without complaint.

Andrew hits him.

He steps just out of Roland’s reach, battling his own crumbling mind.

Roland swears and touches his bruising face. “What the fuck Andrew! You  _ told  _ me to touch you!”

He looks up and maybe there’s something telling in Andrew’s dark expression but he shuts his mouth. 

“Don’t touch me again.” Andrew says. He thinks that he probably won’t ever be normal. He will never be able to have a normal sex life because of them. Because of what they did to him.

Roland purses his lips. “I won’t.” He offers Andrew the rope.

* * *

During their senior year, Andrew and Aaron turn 18. Andrew wakes up early to shuttle himself down to the courtrooms. That night, he walks back into their house no longer Andrew Doe, but Andrew Minyard.

Nicky thinks that it means Andrew is warming to the idea of becoming family. Aaron thinks that Andrew is mocking him. He doesn’t correct either of them.

(By changing his name he’s no longer some nameless foster kid scum. He has a place now and that means Nicky and Aaron can’t leave him. At least, they can’t leave him so easily.)

Aaron stews in his anger for months. He still doesn’t speak to Andrew, but now, he throws himself into his academics. He skips exy practice and hides in the library instead. It’s the one place Andrew won’t follow him. Slowly, he begins earning his own Cs and Bs.

It’s toward the end of his senior year season when Kevin Day and Riko Moriyama scout Andrew as freshman goalie. Nicky is gleeful and shoots Andrew two thumbs up, escorting away Aaron who scowls at him like he deserved to be scouted more.

But Andrews takes one look at the pair and he knows. He knows what kind of person Riko is because he spent fourteen years living with them.

So he declines their offer and the media blows up. What is Andrew Minyard, a nobody from South Carolina, doing, telling Riko and Kevin, the kings of exy, to fuck off?

Nicky is upset for days but Aaron says that he isn’t surprised. He says that Andrew is an entitled brat who has to ruin every good opportunity that comes his way. (Andrew doesn’t think he’s really talking about exy.)

David Wymack comes to scout Andrew. This man is one who will not take no for an answer.

“I won’t play for your team.” Andrew tells him for the fourth time. (Wymack has been showing up to their practices to pester him.)

“What if I offer both you and Aaron a scholarship.”

Andrew considers him for a moment. “Aaron’s not that good.”

“Maybe not. But he can be good enough with practice.”

“Nicky has to come too.” Andrew’s not willing to leave what he has just yet. But he knows that this in state school is his best option.

Wymack looks thrown for the first time. “Nicky?”

“My cousin.” Andrew points over to where Nicky and Aaron are waiting.

“He has to be decent.” Wymack says slowly. “I can’t sign someone who can’t play.”

“Nicky’s decent. Played in high school and helps Aaron practice sometimes.”

“I want to see him play. Then, if what you’re saying is true, we’ve got a deal.”

Wymack holds out his hand in offering.

“Stay out of my personal business.” Andrew warns. Then he grabs Wymack’s hand and they shake.

And they’re off to Palmetto State University.


End file.
